August 13, 2023

Pentecost 11 - Lectionary 19

Epiphany, Winnipeg

Matthew 14:22-31

You know, I’ve heard Jesus say it about a million times by now: “Take heart, don’t be afraid. It’s me.” And about a million times I’ve kept on being afraid, or I’ve taken a break from fear but started up again soon enough. About a million times I’ve preached about Jesus being God-with-us, right here, and God with us says, “Take heart, don’t be afraid. I am who I say I am.” And I might have been fine then...and then I was afraid. About a million times.

So I guess this will be a sermon about being afraid.

The disciples end up afraid. They’re out in the boat, and it’s hard going because it’s windy and it’s wavy and the wind and waves are pushing against them, but nowhere in the story does it say that they were in any danger. Maybe they’re tired and frustrated because it’s taking so long and they’re kind of getting nowhere, and it’s three o’clock in the morning...but nowhere in the story does it say that they were afraid of a storm or afraid for their lives.

The storm is fine. They’ve rowed against the wind and the waves a thousand times before. They’re not afraid of the storm. But when Jesus casually walks out towards them on the water, the fear sets in and takes hold. The way we hear it they’re afraid of what they think is a vision, a ghost, some weird appearance of Jesus because, you know, nobody walks on water, right? But maybe without even knowing it at the time, what they’re really afraid of is Jesus. After all, he made them get in the boat to row across the lake to the other side, they had a job to do, and now he’s coming out to them on the water and he’s going to see that they’re getting nowhere. He told them to do something and they’re having a hard time getting it done.

I wonder if we’re a little afraid of Jesus sometimes.... Like we’re afraid that if he’s around and even out here on the water while we try to row the boat and work away and get somewhere he’ll see that maybe we’re not strong, or we can’t figure it all out, or we can’t do what Jesus would do. If someone were out there on that boat asking “What would Jesus do?”, the answer would be, “Well, he’d walk on water.” But I can’t walk on water, so I must be doing something wrong, like Peter did. I can’t stroll out across the water and be calm when it’s just so hard so I must not have enough faith. I’m scared out here, so I don’t have enough trust and I don’t want Jesus to see that. I can’t love the way Jesus does, or forgive like Jesus does, or heal like Jesus does, or be just like Jesus, so I must be doing something wrong.” I can’t get this boat across the lake like I was told to...and I don’t want Jesus to see that I’m failing.

Maybe it’s just kind of scary sometimes to be with someone who knows me as well as Jesus does. Because if Jesus knows me that well, then Jesus knows that about me, and he knows that too; but there are things about me that I don’t want anyone else to know. Not even Jesus. Maybe you’re a bit like that too? Or maybe not, and I’m the only crazy one? But even so, out here in the boat, out here surrounded by all that water, out here in this life where sometimes it goes well and sometimes not so well, there’s nowhere to hide from this one who knows us so well.

Or...maybe the disciples really are afraid for the simple reason that they think they’re seeing a ghost. Whatever their reasons are for being afraid, Jesus says, “Take heart, it’s OK. It’s me.” And maybe some day they will look back, or we will look back and say, “Yes, that was Jesus, yes, that was God-with-us that day. We were afraid of Jesus, but Jesus was God with us. We were afraid, but Jesus didn’t turn around and walk away from us.” And the funny thing is that we never hear that those disciples stopped being afraid. Maybe they just kept on being afraid. And maybe it’s OK if they kept on being afraid, because even then Jesus keeps on saying “Take heart,” and that’s not a command – it’s encouragement. And then Jesus says, “Don’t be afraid.” And that’s not an order that we need to follow. It’s comfort, given for us.

Next chapter in the story: Jesus says to a boatload of frightened disciples, “Don’t be afraid.” So Peter gives it a try, and tries not being afraid. He musters up his nerve and makes a bold demand of Jesus: “If you’re you, then call me to come out to you on the water,” and Jesus says, “OK, Come.” So Peter steps out of the boat onto the water.

I can’t help but wonder what Jesus really thought at that point. Was he thinking “Good job, Peter!”, or was he thinking “No, Peter, I didn’t really mean it!” Or maybe he was thinking, “OK, Peter, you asked or it. Let’s see how this goes.”

So Peter steps out of the boat, and soon enough he’s in over his head. But Peter doesn’t sink because he’s afraid, or because he doesn’t have enough faith, or because he’s weak or foolish. Peter sinks because humans can’t walk on water.

That’s why Peter sinks. He’s human. He tried being superhuman, but that only got him deeper into trouble. He asked Jesus for something that pushed him beyond where he should be – people don’t belong out there trying to walk on

water - and he ran into trouble. It’s kind of weird if you think about it: Peter got what he asked for: “Jesus, if it’s you call me to come out to you on the water.” And even when Jesus gave him what he asked for, he got into trouble.

Honestly, I don’t know quite what to make of that. But I do know that if Jesus hears our prayer, or if God grants us what we ask for, we might still be afraid. Sometimes. Often. Always, for some of us? And if Jesus hears our prayer, or if God grants us what we ask for, we will still get in over our heads, and I, you, we, will find ourselves saying “Lord, save me. Save us.” When Jesus says, “Come,follow me,” we might still end up in places and in a life that can make us so afraid.

But did you see what happened next? Jesus says to Peter, “You trust so little. Why did you doubt that it’s me with you out here?” It’s the same thing he’ll say to all the disciples at one point or another. But then Jesus doesn’t tell Peter and the others that they shouldn’t be that way. Maybe he’s just saying what’s obvious, or he’s telling them and telling us about what we try to hide – our fear, our struggles with trying to trust, our doubt that’s just part of our lives. And Jesus doesn’t walk away from us because of all that. He just gets in the boat with us frightened people, and for a time the wind and the waves settle down and maybe the fear goes away for awhile. But you know, I know, we know, Jesus knows, that we will be afraid again. But we’re in the same boat – so we won’t be afraid on our own.

Yes, we’re all in the same boat. You, me, everyone. In the church, in the city, in the world. We’ve all known fear and we will know it again. I mentioned being afraid of everything before, or maybe my fear is more like when Barbie discovers anxiety for the first time – yes, I saw the Barbie movie on Friday – and I’m not actually afraid of anything in particular. But the fear is there anyway, and it just just grabs hold of whatever it can find. I know that fear is just out there, and in here. Even if it’s a kind of first world or privileged or “I’ve been lucky so far” fear. But there are so many other fears: The fear of someone on an idyllicHawaiian island that’s on fire, and they have to jump into the sea to escape the flames. The fear felt by that kid in a school that banned books that mention people like her. The fear that a woman in Niger might feel as she waits to see what the new military leadership will do. The fear you or I might know as we wait for that diagnosis or face changes in life that we never wanted to face. We all live with fear, and people who live with fear belong in the boat together. We normal frightened people are not left on our own. We’re in the boat together, and Jesus joins us there. We might still be afraid, but we won’t be alone.

And even when we do step out of the boat – not onto water, but onto the dry land of everyday life in the world – we don’t step out of the boat alone. Jesus calls us to follow as bravely or as fearfully as we do, into a world filled with joys and fears of its own, surrounded by people with joys and fears of their own. We keep each other company in this world. Sometimes we have to work and struggle together to try to change the things that make us afraid, and sometimes we just support each other, because no one needs to be afraid on their own. And Jesus, God-with-us, is there in that life as well, always speaking that simple word that he never grows tired of speaking – “It’s OK, don’t be afraid. It’s really me. We’re here together.” AMEN.